For the past several years I have been on a spiritual quest. I have been exploring various religious traditions, trying to see how each one is connected to the other, and trying to experience their oneness. My goal has been to find Swami in everything that I do and experience.

As a spiritual aspirant, I was trying to live a life according to Swami's teachings. On the surface everything seemed to be fine. I was in contact with a group of spiritually like-minded people. Somehow or the other Swami always sent me books that enabled me to dig deeper. I did whatever service I could. Yet something was lacking. I felt as though the longing, that closeness and that love for the Divine had been lost. I began to meditate, hoping that it would help my spiritual practice.

One day, I sat down for my regular meditation. The jyoti meditation was coming to an end. As usual, I asked Swami for an image to close with, hoping to carry it with me throughout the day. I wanted to feel light, a symbol of universal love energy for which I strive. One would think that if I were to concentrate on visualizing the light, I would be able to see it easily! That day what I saw instead was unexpected: I saw myself in a puddle, but as I looked deeper I realized that it was a swamp. I saw myself stuck there, going deeper and deeper into the marsh, with just my hand extending outwards.

Despite my strong desire to come back to more light around me, I felt frozen by my fear. Not knowing what to do with this image, I opened my eyes abruptly, and tried to return to my normal daily routines. In the coming weeks, this image kept resurfacing over and over again in my head.

Although the image of the marsh did not reappear to me in subsequent meditations, it was still a disturbing experience. I wanted to try and understand its significance.

Some nights later, I had a dream. In the dream I found myself in a swamp again. But this time, I was shouting for help. The irony in the dream was that rather than asking for help to get out of the swamp, I asked for help to see the light. All of a sudden, I heard a loud voice say to me, "What light were you looking for?"

I looked around, but all I saw was darkness; not even a soul to help me out of this mess. From where is this voice coming?! Again, I hear the voice thunder loudly, "Where does this light reside? "There is another pause, and again another question is thrown at me, "How do you know once you have found the light?"

Surprised by own reaction, I found myself answering to this Voice, and I begin to narrate my story: "Ever since I was a child, one prayer always held more meaning to me than others: Asato Maa, Sad Gamaya, Tamaso Maa JyotirGamaya, Mrityumaha Amritamgamaya. The prayer is a cry to the Divine Mother to take me out of the darkness and into the Light. For me, light is eternal love, pure bliss and purity. It is about being true to one's goals and ideals, and about being all loving no matter what adversities my confront you. It is said that once you touch the light, you can't go any further; that you are joyous, peaceful, serene and calm. The light frees you from the bondage of the mind, they say. My search is simple: I am searching for God, Love and Light. To be able to feel those three attributes within me would lead to more peace of mind and ultimately bliss. In my experience, getting to this stage has been such a struggle. Somehow no matter where I look, I can't find it within myself."

The Voice stops me for a second, and asks, "Have there been times where you have been able to catch a glimpse of it?"

"Oh yes," I answer. "If only it would burn constantly, rather than in glimpses. Sometimes the moment comes to me while I am basking in the sunlight, but it is only after it has passed me that I realize it was the light. The light comes to me in the form of hawks, in the form of babies, and sometimes as a butterfly that rests on my shoulder. At other times, this moment of finding the light doesn't have to be anything. It is simply a feeling of completeness. The idea I have begun to have was that if somehow I can find the light in my daily affairs, it would make it easier for me to tend to it inwardly."

Again the Voice said, "Where do you think this light is?"

So in a small whimper I said, "I've been searching to feel it inside me, yet I can't."

The voice laughed, "You think that It comes readily available to you just by searching outside? You need to dig deeper."

"You mean to say you won't help me out of this swamp, I have to go through the swamp to feel the light?"

"Metaphorically and literally speaking-yes, you do."

Then it said something else, "What if I said to you that you can, you don't need to travel that far. You simply are there, and all you have to do is stretch your tiny hand. Voila! It is yours. The abundance will flow out, overflowing with love. And you won't even have to travel to get the light. The light will come to you."

"That would be amazing, simply amazing. You mean to say, all my searches, all my quests will come to a standstill, and there will be stillness in my soul. How can I do that?"

The Voice was different now, gentle, loving, and continued, "Simple, Just stretch your hand with intensity, with longing and with love. Most of all, Open your Eyes Wide and Be Aware. Things will begin to change, you'll see."

I stretched my hand out wide, earnestly longing for a glimpse. Unexpectedly, I saw a beautiful brown-eyed dog standing in front of me with a stick in his mouth waiting for me to hold on tight to it.

I woke up startled. The dream seemed so real and the voice seemed so real. Then it hit me. The swamp represented the world. My head was in the world, and it was slowly being absorbed into it, struggling very hard to be in the spiritual realm. My hands, which were symbolic of service, of hard work, were stretched out. They were the only part of my body that had not been overwhelmed by the swamp. It was almost as if I was trying to hold onto to something solid and stable. All this to keep the light going, so I can feel peace and serenity amidst the chaos. The image of a lotus came to mind, despite its roots being murky, soiled, it somehow was able to maintain its pristine, pure form.

I realized that during my initial mediation, I had stretched out my hand, yet there was no one there to help. In the dream, a dog appeared. For me dogs symbolize service, love and loyalty. The message was very clear: if you give love, if you have that sincere longing, if you are alert, (just like dogs), then the search will be easier. Then, the light will come to you, rather than you going on a tumultuous search for it. If you learn to stay still, and learn to listen to that small little voice inside you, the search gets deeper, and the journey no longer becomes outward, it is automatically inward. Then everything is light, everything is divine, everything is love.

I was overwhelmed with joy, thanking Swami for getting me to this point. I picked up a book next to my bedside table hoping to get a message for that day; coincidentally, this is what I opened up to: "Each Devotee is a beacon of light in the darkness. Each one, even without knowing, clearly shows the way to those who do not yet know God, to those who ignore within themselves the peace and joy that one day they will discover. That is the destiny of all human beings: to find within themselves the fountain of life."