Sadhana means: Spiritual discipline or exercise; self effort. I borrowed this title from Mahatma Gandhi's autobiography "My experiments with Truth" which I am reading right now. Swami declared that the main purpose of His advent is transformation of the human heart and to awaken the latent divinity in man. This thought has been in my mind for many years now - sometimes dormant and sometimes active. Swami has sown the seed of the desire for God realization in my heart and reinforced it through His repeated discourses. I wish to experience what it feels to be realized, filled with divine love and equanimity. I often imagine that once realized, life will be as if I were floating on white soft clouds, which of course is not true. Ramakrishna Paramahansa used to give an analogy of a fish out of water describing its intense struggle to go back to water to live, that much intensity is needed to realize God, to go back to our source. I wish, I was burning with that deep desire, but my travel on the path to God-realization has been slow and very often I have strayed away in different directions.

I am a "regular" YA. I attend bhajans. I have made trips to Prasanthi. I have been part of a variety of YA or Sai Center activities (soup kitchens, computer classes, blood drives and homeless shelters) and I have been doing this for the past 12 years. I am very positive that this association with Him and His devotees has helped me a lot to be who I am today, but I often feel frustrated at my pace of progress and lack of singular spiritual focus. In fact this frustration has also led me to even doubt the transformational efficacy of bhajan and satsang in Sai centers in achieving the purpose of life - God Realization. In fact, I may be romantically wedded to this ideal, without even knowing what God Realization means.

In the initial years after discovering Swami (when I was a novice), I could perceive progress in terms of building faith in Swami, participating in devotional programs, service projects, and an urge to improve my character and experiences with Swami. But after the initial years passed, unaware to my conscious knowledge, I have entered the "Plateau" stage which can described by: Participation in Sai activities as a social obligation; Quoting Swami in study circles and feeling good about the "bookish" knowledge I have acquired; judge other devotees and use the 'philosophy of convenience' and rationalization in practicing Swami's teachings etc. In the busy-ness of activity, I have lost the yearning for reaching a higher spiritual stage. The "Plateau" stage is very dangerous as there is little or no progress or transformation in spite of frenzy or regular Sai activity. A quantum leap in effort and consciousness must be made to get out of this comfort zone.

To understand how the lives of the realized souls is different from other aspirants (most of us in the plateau stage), I have tried to inquire into lives of noble souls who have realized God or were seeking Him intensely. Be it Ramakrishna, Vivekananda, or Gandhi or other great souls in the Sai community in India and USA (with whom I have interacted). I observed that these people are very alone (with God). It helped to do a self-audit to understand what I was missing. I found out that though I was praying to Swami in a satsang / community setting (mostly weekend activities), Swami was not in my daily life and in my inner or private life. This is what I define as Personal Sadhana - The activities one does, in solitude to deepen the one-to-one, heart-to-heart relationship with Swami and to increase devotion and faith. This can vary from person to person (singing bhajans to Swami, puja, meditation, prayer, silent sitting or just being).

To me, Personal Sadhana means leading a regulated, disciplined life, a daily schedule which makes time for activities to renew the body, mind and the spirit and which is filled with Love for all. Though, I was thinking of Swami during the day (listening to bhajans while driving, chanting 'Sai Ram' while jogging or cooking) there was something missing. I had realized that the lack of quality personal time with Swami, where the mind is just dwelling only on Swami's glory, was the main reason for my spiritual dissatisfaction. Once I started doing this, I really felt very good and life seemed fulfilled.

I think the next stage is when one carries this feeling all through the day into every activity. One devotee at Prasanthi Nilayam advised when I was leaving Parthi after my studies there, "Remember to take Prasanthi Nilayam (at least a piece of it) in your heart where ever you go and install Swami there". The manner in which I initially interpreted this was that I should take Swami in my heart, but now I realize that it meant, bringing the regulated schedule and discipline of Prasanthi Nilayam into my life.

I am a typical bachelor in his late 20's. I usually work late, eat junk food, sleep late, wake up late, rush to work, but Prasanthi schedule means getting up early, praying in the early dawn, working till physical exhaustion and sleeping early, no TV or any other time-wasters. Though difficult, this schedule seems easy when I am at Parthi, but back at home, getting down from my bed at 5 am for puja or meditation seems more difficult than climbing the Everest. I have the "5-more minutes" morning syndrome and often the mattress wins over the will of the mind. I started reading books on practical spirituality and balancing work-life and what appealed the most to me was Stephen Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and "First Things first". These have become my bibles (they are very close to Swami's teachings) and I read them often to get motivated. There are very pure and noble concepts in these books and they offer a practical orientation to spirituality. I would like to share some of those concepts:

1. Being PROACTIVE means finding space between stimulus and response. This space is our power to choose our response, not just react (equivalent to the power of discrimination. Swami says that only humans have this power and most animals just react). This is also analogous to the Vedanta definition of God - the silence between two thoughts is God.

2. FIRST THINGS FIRST: Urgency vs. Importance paradigm brings forth the idea that most people are so caught up doing the urgent stuff that the important things are left undone. Very often the good things are the enemy of the best (which remain undone as possibilities).

3. MISSION STATEMENT: Working in a corporate environment and being a student of management, I liked the concept of writing a mission statement, a constitution, a mandate for my personal life. These books helped me formulate a mission statement for my life. A mission statement can be developed by asking ourselves questions like (and answering honestly): · What do you value in life? · What are things that are really important to you at this stage of life? · Are the things you value aligned with "True North" Spiritual and Natural laws of the universe? (True North does not change, it is often our internal compasses that are misaligned) · What are the different roles in your life? What are your duties in each role? · What are your goals in the physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual spheres of your life?

4. FUNERAL TRIBUTE ACTIVITY: A suggested activity to easily write a mission statement is to visualize your own funeral. (This was more appealing because, I thought it had some elements of astral travel and I am a big fan of Neo of the Matrix fame). Visualize that two people each from different spheres of life: Family, Community, Work or School, and Church come to give tributes to you praising you for your contributions made in the entire lifetime. The task is to write a script for each of the speakers (what you want them to say about you). This became very interesting (what if there was nothing remarkable to say about me?) and was a useful tool which cleared my perceptions, when I imagined my irritating colleague (whom I do not yet Love) was called to speak. I also imagined that Swami came and gave a tribute (But what would He say?). The idea of this exercise is that we should first live the life to make these scripts real, so that these people can really say nice things about us, not out of a social formality or obligation.

5. FOUR BASIC NEEDS: There are four basic needs for a human life- Physical, Mental, Social and Spiritual. To create balance and synergy in satisfying all these needs is the first step in living an effective life. Vibrant health, economic security, rich satisfying relationships, professional and personal development and a deep sense of purpose, contribution and personal congruence create Quality Of Life. (First Things First - Stephen Covey). Gandhi used to say that a person cannot excel in life, impairing any one part of his life. Life is a sum of parts and one should excel in all the parts. Even the Gita prescribes this path of excellence in all parts of human life. · Physical - Vibrant Health: Keep the body fit with regular exercise and proper nutrition. Regular exercise has also mental and spiritual benefits. Economic well being involves living a simple life within means and practicing "Ceiling on Desires" and not a life of immediate gratification. · Mental - Keep the mind active in learning and growing thru continued education (not just newspapers and politics) through the 30's, 40's and later; develop new hobbies or read inspiring books. Daily prayer and meditation help keep the mind calm. · Social - Build relationships that are transformational not just transactional. Loving that pesky colleague, that difficult roommate and that rude boss is extremely hard until we practice Swami's teachings of selflessly Loving all and Serving all. · Spiritual - To live a life for a higher purpose, a life of contribution and service, a life wedded to ideals that ultimately achieves its purpose and to realize divinity in every being. All these concepts helped me formulate a mission and a daily schedule on paper (ah! at least I have a personal mission and some direction) and I have been trying for the past few months to live these principles and achieve the goals I have set for myself.

WALKING THE TALK:
To translate that Mission into the "Moment" and live the Mission every Moment of life is very difficult for me. Working with these books I have also understood what Swami means when He says - "Live in the Present; that is Omnipresent." This is not a smooth road. Of course, I failed to keep my commitments, and succumbed to moods. But Swami is helping with the wisdom not to become a perfectionist, and is giving me understanding and patience to handle guilt and rein in that internal critic. He is more patient than we are with ourselves. Still sometimes, boredom creeps in and the mind rationalizes that missing commitments and goals is okay. I am slowly realizing that focusing on fewer activities is more effective than more. However, I have also realized that I should not be a prisoner of schedule but be flexible based on the needs of the situation. I use a log sheet for evaluation but do not beat myself up for not being 100%. It is only a tool which guides me where I need to focus more patience and determination.

Even small victories are very fulfilling. There is a definite sense of liberation when those old habits are broken and new healthy patterns come into life. I cannot wait to experience that sense of Total Freedom - Maybe I will float on clouds!!! When I interact with different people in my life, the tribute exercise guides me so that I act or react and do not say or do things that I may regret at my funeral. Diet also plays a huge role. I transitioned to a salt-less, 60% raw vegetarian over-hydrating (5 liters of water daily) diet and this acted like magic against my lethargy. I could get up early morning without complain and even without an alarm. However the experiment lasted only for a few months and ever since I am trying to go back to it.

My experience has been that motivation should be strong to keep going. The key to Motivation is "motive" and if the motive is really to lead a life of principles and realize God, willpower will develop to keep the motivation going. I pray that the yearning keeps growing, until there is that deep burning fire within, which will automatically say "NO" to any distraction and "YES" to any principle. As one Sai brother recently told me - "Personal Sadhana is nothing but an expression of the inner yearning. The more intense the yearning is the more intense Personal Sadhana is. The spiritual path is a lonely path. So, while working with others helps to bring out our best (and worst) qualities, true character is forged in the quiet hours of contemplation where we kneel at the altar of the God in heart".

Finally, I find it rewarding and encouraging due to the fact that the spiritual journey is on and progressing. That dissatisfaction and frustration I had with my progress has reduced. There is a satisfaction that I am taking steps though these may be just baby steps. Did not the Lord assure us, that if we take ONE step He would come a HUNDRED steps towards us to guide, support and walk next to us and finally take us Home? Let this be the only Prayer, "Oh! Mother Sai, come, please take me Home".